ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Sext me about skeletons
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Randomize
