p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
