my mouth tastes like poor choices
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Liz is crying about burritos again.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
