She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
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