i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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