We won't sleep together?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
