Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
