it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
