Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize