Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
