btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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