Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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