At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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