i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize