You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
