I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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