Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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