My hand turned me down
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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