Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
