dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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