Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
We are all done wearing pants today
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
