i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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