ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
