im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
