I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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