He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
