Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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