You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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