"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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