u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize