In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
