she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
