beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
