I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize