i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
