Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
