I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
