if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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