my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
