Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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