Got a toothbrush?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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