I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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