someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
