Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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