This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
