1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
