It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
