I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
