No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
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