I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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