I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
