i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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