I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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