maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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