i need an iv and a liver transplant
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
