Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
