new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Found the puke drawer
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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