Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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