My hand turned me down
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
