no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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