Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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