bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
the condom got lost in my hair
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
