Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
How does one acquire holy water?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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