I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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