I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
