32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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