Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
