I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
