Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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