A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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