I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
