I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
