i permit you to call me
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
